Basking in misery, unhappiness and discontent is something I am not indifferent to. It has seemed to consume my entire being. The fog doesn’t seem to lift - and it seems if it only cleared up just a little, I could get things done. I could live a life. I could feel alive. It’s like this - you can’t make yourself snap out of it. You can’t slap it out of your system. You just have to go through the daily motions to cope, if you allow yourself to do that. This fog - it may not clear up any time soon. I understand that. I must tell myself this: Don’t let it consume your entire being. You can continue to work with this haze until, somewhere down the road, it will lift, and you will see clearly. It will happen, if you don’t allow it to disable you. You know that you are so much stronger than this blanket that seems too tightly wrapped around your brain. You just have to allow yourself to be strong through practice. It’s so easy to let it overcome you, blinding you from the rest of the world, and even from yourself. Don’t give up on yourself, and don’t undermine what you are capable of. It may be hard work, time and effort, and you may need to push yourself way more than you’re use to - but you are strong enough to walk through this haze. Perhaps through this journey, clarity will come to you in ways you never thought it would. Perhaps indirectly and slowly, you may snap out of it. So Ashley. Don’t give in to that voice in your head that says that it’s okay to continue on this destitute road of barely living. Of deadening your soul as each day goes by. I know doing things exhausts you. But with time and practice, I think they will become easier. And you will be happier. Let this be a source of motivation for you. You know that where you are right now is not making you happy and is leaving you stagnant. You may not succeed the first try, or the tenth try. But practice living your life, and you will get it eventually. And it is only you and your choices that will get you out of this. Only you.
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